One day I’ll work up the courage to blog about my many experiences involving black male fragility but today I just have one.

So while out and about at a hookah spot in Seoul my friends and I decided to smoke hookah and have a few drinks. I’m a few drinks in and I can no longer hold my pee. I walk to the restroom alone (not a good idea, I know). While walking up the stairs to the restroom, which was this area quite a ways from the bar (out of sight, out of mind), there’s a man sitting at the top of the stairs. I had no phone with me so I can’t even begin to pretend like I’m preoccupied with a text or call, so, awkward. I continued to keep my head down and avoid eye contact because I felt the crude advances coming, and they did. It so happens that I had this fitting, navy blue, sexy bodycon on that showed off my curves.

He proceeded to make advances at me and said, “Ayee let me talk to you”. I ignore him and continue to the bathroom. As I’m going to close the door, he blocks it with his foot and says, “I’ll let you use the restroom if you talk to me”. I was petrified. I didn’t know what to do or say. But I clutched that door handle as tight as I could and aggressively told him to move. He didn’t. I finally gave up and told him that I’ll gladly speak to him once I was finished. I sat in that bathroom for 20 minutes, just to see if he would go. He didn’t! But luckily he was passed out drunk outside of the bathroom and I safely made it back to my friends to tell this story.

Stop victim blaming

We need to stop victim blaming, honestly. It’s time to have conversations with our male friends/sons/nephews/etc. about [black] male fragility. Men need to understand that they are not entitled to a women’s body and/or time! We’ve got to do and want better for our men.

by Desarae LeShore…all the way from South Korea! I’ve been pushing Desarae to start a blog about living in South Korea as a black woman; this powerful story is an example of why! She also shared the story of Tiarah Poyau who only dared to take control of her own body and was shot dead for it! Classic black male fragility story!

My thoughts on black male fragility:

I still can’t imagine being in that situation…even as a man. I probably would have spent the rest of the night in the bathroom out of fear. And not having a cell phone would have definitely magnified the terror for me. Black male fragility must not be ignored as the fight continues for gender equality and gender equity! If you’re a black man, or any man, and this story remotely resembles your behavior(s), JUST STOP! This also reminds me of an article I wrote a few years ago about theĀ sexification of women in Nollywood.

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